HillBilly Medical Glossary

Antibody – against everyone
Artery – the study of fine paintings
Bacteria – back door to cafeteria
Bandages – The Rolling Stones
Barium – what you do when CPR fails
Benign – what you be after you be eight
Botulism – tendency to make mistakes
Bowel – letters like A, E, I, O, or U
Cardiology – advanced study of poker playing
Catscan – searching for the cat
Cauterize – made eye contact with her
Cesarean Section – a neighborhood in Rome
Colic – a sheep dog
Coma – a punctuation mark
Congenital – friendly
Cortizone – the local courthouse
D&C – where Washington is
Dilate – to live longer
Enema – not a friend
Enteritis – a penchant for burglary
ER – the things on your head that you hear with
Fester – quicker than someone else
Fibula – a small lie
G.I.Series – World Series of military baseball
Genes – blue denim slacks
Genetil – non-Jewish
Grippe – what you do to a suitcase
Hangnail – what you hang your coat on
Hemorrhoid – a male from outer space
Herpes – what women do in the Ladies Room
Hormones – what females do when displeased or extreamly pleased
Hospital – the biggest building in town, other than Joe’s feed warehouse or Franks lumber mill
ICU – peek-a-boo
Impotent – Distinguished, well known
Inpatient – tired of waiting
Labor Pain – Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff – a doctor’s cane
Minor Operation – somebody else’s
Morbid – a higher offer
Nitrates – Cheaper than day rates
Organ Transplant – what you do to your piano when you move
Organic – church musician
Outpatient – a person who has fainted
Pap Smear – A fatherhood test
Paralyze – two far-fetched stories
Pathological – a reasonable way to go
Pelvis – Second cousin to Elvis
Pharmacist – person who makes a living dealing in agriculture
Plaster Cast – the drunk roadies backstage at a rock concert
Post Operative – a letter carrier
Protein – in favor of young people
Recovery Room – place to upholster furniture
Rectum – what happened to the Corvette
Red Blood Count – Dracula
Rheumatic – amorous
Saline – where you go on your boyfriend’s boat
Secretion – Hiding something
Seizure – Roman emperor who live’d in the Ceasarean Section
Serology – study of English knighthood
Sterile Solution – not using the elevator during a fire
Surgery – a reason to get an uninterruptible power supply
Tablet – A small table
Terminal Illness – getting sick at the airport
Tibia – country in North Africa
Triple Bypass – better than a quarterback sneak
Tumor – an extra pair
Urine – opposite of “you’re out”
Varicose – Near by
Vein – conceited